I can't believe that I have been here for two months. Sometimes I still feel like I have to pinch myself. God has blessed me so much with this school even through all the time i have taken things for granted in my life and threw his gifts around. He has STILL seen fit get me into a school where I can really flourish and become everything that He wants to be.
Things have gotten tough the past couple weeks. School work is picking up and midterms are here and i am really finding what my faith is made of. This week I had an epiphany. On thursday last week I felt so worried about all the school work that i had coming up. I started to feel inadequate and like I didn't have what it takes to be here to finish the job. I have worried all this week about a Midterm that I took today. There have been some aspects of the class that have been tough for me to deal with, and it was really just weighing me down. Then all of a sudden in the middle of the self-pity and worry, it hit me. One, the self-pity and worrying doesn't do any good. Two and, most importantly, God brought me here. He brought me here for a reason. He will not let me fail as long as I am doing my part and am trusting in Him. I was reminded of a line from one of my favorite movie, "Where the Red Fern Grows":
"I don't know grandpa, sometimes, I think God don't want me to have any [dogs]"
"That so? why?"
"Well, I've been askin' 'im fer dogs as long as I can remember, and nothings happened yet"
"Could be that you ain't doing your fair share."
"Well what do ya mean?"
"Well if God had a mind to he could get you dogs just as slick as cuttin' logs but, he'd be doing all the work. That wouldn't be good for your character"
"I don't want character, I want dogs"
"You want dogs bad enough billy you gonna get dogs but, if you want his help you gonna have to meet him halfway"
"Well that does that mean?"
"What does that mean?.....Well you think about it?"
Gosh i love that movie, make me want to watch it now.
Anyways....I have to do my fair share in getting what God wants for me. Part of that is having faith and not worrying and the drop of the hat. Another part is studying as much and as well as i can so that i have done everything i can and he will take care of the rest. Period. No if's and's or but's. If i am doing my part He WILL take care of it.
I love my God.
I love that he loves me so completely.
He takes and ordinary day and turns it into flowers of the months of May.
He is me obsession.
He is my escape.
There is nothing like Him.
The Sky has never been so blue.
This is home.